#50 - Solve conflicts at work (and make them disappear forever)
Avoid conflict at your office?
So does everyone else.
Today, almost 85% of employees are dealing with it every day.
Why?
Because no one ever taught you how to get rid of it for good.
I'll show you a simple 3-step framework you can use forever.
But first, let’s start with the foundation…
Solutions vs Self-Expression:
👍 Solutions = Anything that leads to solving the problem
👎 Self-Expression = Everything else you should avoid saying
Feedback at work should be about solutions, not self-expression.
Self-expression hurts more than it helps
❌ Venting to get the last word
❌ Making your point
❌ Proving you’re right
95% of what you want to vent in the moment is probably self-expression.
Self-expression is what kills these feedback convos and causes ppl to lose respect for you.
On the other hand, solutions are productive
It means ONLY saying things that lead to you and those involved to the other side of the bridge where life is good again.
This will include you owning up to your mistakes.
In return, your listener will:
✅ Respect you more
✅ Motivated to change
✅ Happier to work with you
When I don’t solution, the problem gets worse.
So before you vent, ask yourself: “Is this a solution or self-expression?”
Okay.
Now that you understand the foundation…
Here’s 3 steps to help you prioritize solutioning:
1. Mentally forgive the person
Whatever you do, DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP!
If you hold in your anger, it WILL boil over.
It won’t take much to throw you off:
• Passive-aggressive comment
• That “annoying” laugh
• A look you take the wrong way
Anything can trigger you at that point.
So…
Promise yourself to get the frustration out BEFORE you start the conversation.
It helps me to talk about it with my wife first.
Most of the time after I talk, I realize it’s not that big of a deal.
In the small cases that it is, she gives me good advice.
2. Identify what will motivate them to change
This is NOT where you double down.
You don’t start this step with trying to make them suffer for the pain they caused you.
What’s done is done.
The best thing now is to
Point out the issue
Explain why it bothers you
Work through solutions to change
Your recipient can only do better if they:
Have a clear plan
Feel motivated
Can see how it’s negatively affected you
This is why framing everything positively is important.
Because it’s THEIR responsibility to change.
And unfortunately (you won’t want to hear this)…
This often means giving the benefit of the doubt even when you don’t feel like the person deserves it AT ALL!
You don’t want to downplay the situation
But you also don’t want to escalate it either
Use neutral phrases like “I have feedback” (even when it’s major or minor).
3. Only say things that lead to change
Braindump everything you’d ever want to say
THEN
Take out about 90-95% of that.
Most of it will be self-expression, and won’t lead to a good conversation.
Only keep the parts that are specific and encouraging.
And a small callout here…
“Encouraging” doesn’t mean hollow fluffy words…
Encouraging means finding ways to make people want to do something by showing them how it will help them.
So think:
✔️ What’s the benefit for them?
✔️ Why will it important for them to change?
✔️ How will it get them reach their goals at work?
The more you can focus the convo on them and their benefits…
The better it’s going to go.
TL;DR
Solutions > Self-Expression
Behavior change is the goal
Only say things that lead to the goal
Give this strategy a shot and let me know what you think.
That’s it for today.
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